Hello from the other side of September! October is my favorite month because the bugs are dying and my birthday is at the end. I’ve spent the last under 2 months poorly hiding under a rock from this newsletter because nothing feels right. I’m isolating the same as before! It seems I’ve missed any chance to relax my grip on my rules since Covid-19 cases just drop briefly and then go right back up, over and over.
I was so stressed through July, August, and September that my digestive system gave up on me. But instead of acknowledging my stress I just continued to pretend everything was fine even though waking up at 3am and staying awake for 40 minutes became normal!! For me!! Usually I fall and stay asleep with more ease than a rock!! And I say stressed but I still had no capitalist “purpose” aside from some small writing jobs. Also what is stress when you’re a financially stable white woman?? A drop in the bucket! A privileged stress where I may feel *~emotional~* instability creeping in if I can’t sleep through the night.
For a little more than a month I was journaling about 3 pages a day every morning because a self-help book (which I haven’t finished) said that would make me feel better. The problem was then it was much harder to run in the morning because this sleeptown brain of mine is much more meditative when I run first thing. The self-help book told me that writing a full three pages in the morning would open my mind to my fears and anxieties and ground me. But I actually know most of my fears and anxieties?? I have all of them, check every box.
Once, the writing wound me up so much I spent that morning scraping caulk off of our bathroom tiles for at least an hour to silence my frustration. My general strategy is avoidance (ie, I’m writing this when I have a cover letter I’ve been working on for a week and a half in another tab, staring me down).
There’s no real conclusion to how tumultuous everyday life feels. On the one hand, it now feels strange to step outside without a mask on. But there’s still the consistent dread that I can tap into by just looking at the top news stories. Reminders that the current death count aren’t even accurate! Because we still don’t test enough! The White House getting Coronavirus feels both so appropriate while also terrifying, because DC already had such a poorly-managed outbreak. Right now, I feel like I’m doubting my choices to try to wrangle control over the world. It feels like everything is my fault, instead of a grander scheme or systemic issue. It’s not real but it does mean I listen to Natalie Merchant a lot.
Can’t believe I only just found out Kate Bush covered Sexual Healing:
I read this very long but worth it article that re-contextualizes popular opinion on World War II, and while I loved it I mostly hear this when I read histories.
Point of View: You are an extra on Dawson’s Creek. You play a minor character’s friend (you have no lines). This is the song that plays in the background.
Aretha Franklin and Smokey Robinson doing a short duet together and discussing their friendship. Smokey Robinson is so silly and Aretha Franklin is reserved and it’s so beautiful. I found it through this article which is also worth a read.
Frog and Toad Tentatively Go Outside After Months in Self-Quarantine.
“It has taken me more than 40 years, but the singular achievement of my life may be that if I am attacked by a serial killer on a deserted Lovers Lane, I almost certainly will have had dessert.”—Laura Lippman in a delightful article she wrote about her changing thoughts on her body and culture today,
Why the pandemic got everyone into baking and gardening.
I know I didn’t write in this Ask Polly letter but I still feel it is completely for me.
Point of View: You are an overworked Nineties business woman. The only thing larger than your shoulder pads is your desire for a family. You take one Friday off every two months to deep clean your apartment because otherwise you worry your house cleaner will have too much on their plate. You clean and run errands listening to, of course, this song.
Carly Rae Jepsen put out a new song just for us.
Rob Delaney is one of the only internet people who makes me laugh regularly (this tweet) and this article about his vasectomy is no exception.
American Girl Dolls Attend Mandatory Diversity Training by Kortney Morrow
This newsletter’s title comes from my friend! It better describes the quaran-moment than anything I could have thought of.
Current fave Jazz tune.
Articles:
“Ellen DeGeneres was always kind to me.” Palm Springs, Russian Doll and women in time loops. Digital Blackface on TikTok. Chadwick Boseman’s impeccable style. All about marmalade. How the Sqrl controversy relates to Black jam makers. “[T]he coronavirus lockdown was an unprecedented opportunity to lay the groundwork for more sustainable post-pandemic cities.” Clancy Martin’s article from 2009 about his struggles with alcoholism and sobriety (American’s are drinking 14% more during the pandemic). Jess Zimmerman on thinking of emotional wounds as physical. You have depleted surge capacity. The history of Periwinkle. Racism and hypocrisy in Reproductive Rights Organizations. Breonna Taylor’s life in her mother’s words as told by Ta-Nehisi Coates. Everyone failed Toyin Salau. “Why did I ever elliptical?” Dorothy Parker in death is the only true ally. Jessica Krug’s performance as not-White. “He is survived by his sister.” A response to Emily Ratajkowski’s widely read personal essay.
Food:
Greek salad dressing.
Saturday I made a risotto in this style without the peas. I topped it with fresh parsley, sage, and arugula.
I’ve been eating a lot of tofu and I like it a lot especially in Thai curries and stir fry but I got sick of frying it. I’ve switched over to this baking method which still makes crispy tofu but doesn’t involve me burning myself or making my home smell.
The Food Timeline.
Two months ago my friend—who is allergic to figs—posted that the fig tree outside her home was getting out of control and people should show up to pick some. Figs are delicious & expensive so of course I brought myself over and picked maybe 2 pounds of figs. I ate a lot and then realized that I myself have a slight allergic reaction! (A mild sore throat… not a fun symptom during Coronavirus) So I made this jam to enjoy the figs! I put it on pizza with a Gouda and it was delicious.
I’ve been eating a lot of soba noodle salads. This one with shishito peppers and avocado is good.
Months ago I ordered four lbs of strawberries from my farmer’s market-type thing (Philly Foodworks!) because they were deeply discounted. I halved and froze a little more than a pound of them and made this cake which was delicious. I replaced 1/3 of the all-purpose flour called for with almond flour and that made it even better!
This mango-habenero hot sauce recipe is very spicy and delicious. I’m not even through my first batch and I’m making more right now.
On Friday I had a zoom dinner cooking with my oldest friend and we made this delicious and simple cod curry and drank the nightcap of champions while catching up. After dinner I started peeling an apple and my friend asked what I was doing and I informed her I was making an apple crisp. I used to make them all the time in college with apples grabbed from a nearby orchard or taken from the dining hall. I mixed two apples —peeled, cored and sliced like you would a pie— with a squeeze of lemon juice, sprinkle of salt, nutmeg, cinnamon and one tablespoon white sugar. That went into one of my baby baking dishes. Then I mixed 1/4 cup AP flour with 1/4 cup rolled oats, just over a half cup of brown sugar and a drop of vanilla extract in a bowl. I cut in 3 tablespoons butter with my fingers, put it on top of the apples and then stuck it in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes. It was really good, and I used this recipe for guidance. I might try and make a gluten free version by pulsing some old fashioned oats in my food processor.
Stay particular,
Margaret