One of the most under rated songs in history!!!!
Poor sleep has become the rule rather than exception. Recently the pattern has been waking around 5:15-6:30 when the cat starts attacking the curtains and then lie awake until 7am when the alarm goes off because terror is the first thing I feel in the morning! Then my partner gets up because he needs coffee before work and I starfish on the bed and sleep for another hour.
I spend a lot of time trying to figure out ways to feel more normal right now. Before I would use my planner but now looking at my planner is a bummer! I have occasional google hang dates but that does not a planner make. I try to run, I read (but I haven’t been able to focus on a book), I tidy and occasionally play with sculpey or draw.
There was a sort of hippy-dippy modern dance class I was in during my final semester in college where we talked about how when you grow up you cut yourself off from your physical body and it affects the way you move through the world. Not just engaging your core like a yoga teacher tells you but moving with your whole body, a clarity in movement.
I was running regularly at this point and I would sometimes have runs that were just unsatisfying in a way I couldn’t articulate. They weren’t shorter than other runs, I don’t think I was faster and the playlist didn’t change but it would put a dent in my day and make it harder to run again later.
One day in class, the professors talked about giving into the earth: send energy down your left leg to lift your right leg up. If you don’t properly give in to the ground you can’t push off anything and you’re in your own way careening through space.
It sounds cheesy to say, but I realized that’s what I’d been doing while running. My main sport growing up was swimming, which I loved, but because you can’t breath while you move my tendency when dancing and running was to do the same thing—take one big breath and then burst out without letting myself push off.
So even though it doesn’t really make much sense if you hold a candle to it and I haven’t been sleeping well and the world feels like it is on fire in every literal and metaphorical way I have to feel the ground.
I have only been going outside for exercise or grocery store trips and it’s meant I’ve been taking pictures of blooming trees and I went down one block covered lined with trees that had white flowers and it reminded me of an excerpt from the Tony Hoagland poem “A Color of the Sky”:
Outside the youth center, between the liquor store
and the police station,
a little dogwood tree is losing its mind;overflowing with blossomfoam,
like a sudsy mug of beer;
like a bride ripping off her clothes,dropping snow white petals to the ground in clouds,
so Nature’s wastefulness seems quietly obscene.
It’s been doing that all week:
making beauty,
and throwing it away,
and making more.
Online shopping is an activity that I don’t *generally* do but since I’m stuck inside it’s a little like going to a place. Things I wish I bought before everything shut down: a stationary bike, fabric and thread that would work with my vintage singer, ramekins. Things I have bought: four pounds of green lentils, four pounds of dried chickpeas, pants, liquor (liquor stores in PA are state-run and nonessential) and tea. What I wanted before, want during and will want after is this too expensive Staub cocotte in grenadine.
Sondre Lerche covering Ariana Grande.
I love this cartoon about eating during the pandemic. The overall stress has a lot of people who are in recovery for disordered eating struggle even more than usual so it’s a good reminder.
The Sudden Obliteration of Expectation
One of my fave GBBO contestants made a zine about mental wellbeing called “Do What You Want” and it’s currently free online! I’ve had it open on my browser for a week to turn to inbetween things.
I haven’t finished Steven Universe because I don’t want it to end so I’m just gonna watch the donut video forever.
Puppy and baby cuddling.
If any one has a New York Review of books login I would love to read this full article by Janet Malcolm!
The precautions able-bodied people are taking for Covid-19 are not new to everyone.
Rufus Wainwright performing Cigarettes & Chocolate Milk on instagram.
An excerpt from Samantha Irby’s new book which I am very close to ordering from an indie bookshop!
My partner and I finally watched all of Broadchurch and it was very good. It hasn’t aged *perfectly* but Olivia Colman and David Tennant have enough chemistry to make up for it.
A friend of mine forwarded me this Adrienne Rich poem and it’s a true gem.
Adam Schlesinger performing That Thing You Do.
This is me:
I went to this Mountain Goats concert 11 years ago and this version of Alpha Omega is the only one I listen to because of Owen Palett.
[(The title of this newsletter comes from a comment on the music video for “Heaven” by Los Lonely Boys)]
Articles:
The school shooting Austin forgot. A contestant on Naked and Afraid speaks out. Italy in lockdown. A nice little reflection on the ending of Bojack Horseman and The Good Place. Leslie Jamison was single parenting with Coronavirus. The unknown sibling and their aftermath. RIP, Tomie dePaola. The life of Juan Sanabria, one of NYC’s first Coronavirus victims. “I used to think I was good at being alone.” The inventor of naloxone’s widow works in harm reduction.
Food:
I made this Kadhi because I bought some amazing turmeric from burlap and barrel and it’s so delicious and comforting. I had some leftover hot mix that I put on top for crunch but any added crunch is nice.
I do a CSA type thing in Philadelphia called Philly Foodworks (use my referral code if you sign up!) where I can add whatever I want and they recently added a local Camembert-style goat cheese that I got to try at Root Market and it’s insanely good. I ordered some and have had Camembert and fig jam grilled cheese for three meals the last three days. Very fancy and delicious.
These buckwheat chocolate chip cookies are really good—the buckwheat makes them nuttier and reminds me of a brown butter cookie.
I made two sourdough loaves with this King Arthur recipe and they were pretty good but I found a recipe I prefer that combines the overnight no-knead dough type recipe and uses only sourdough starter for leavening. It came out so crusty it was hard to slice and good bubbles.
A few months ago I bought an extreme amount of soba noodles (maybe three pounds?) so I made this noodle bowl which was a great way to add a lot of fresh vegetables AND I learned that if you freeze tofu and then thaw it it’s way way waay easier to drain and then get crispy without cornstarch or anything. I fried the tofu and sauced it from this recipe but I don’t recommend the sesame noodle sauce from it.
I made two coffeecakes this past week because I had a hankering and one had a really good cake but the streusel was just cinnamon sugar (that ain’t it) and the other cake came out kinda dry but the streusel is great although I would add cinnamon to it. I halved both recipes and shared the first with my sister so I’m still not sick of coffeecake. (The better cake one from NYT, the better streusel from Food & Wine)
My favorite tree pic so far, a magnolia in a cemetery
Stay particular,
Margaret
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